*dimsumdolly* - the different morsels of the life of a foodie

Aimless

I was asked by my boss (during the appraisal lunch) and someone else I was talking to the other day where I saw myself in the long-term. I dread such questions 'cos I have no answers.

After relating the incidents to my mum, she also said to me that I should fix some goals for myself in the long-term. Like you know, think of something that I want to achieve in five/ten or whatever years’ time. I thought about it but my mind was a blank canvas. Nothing came to mind. Then I thought, maybe I should just put “Getting married and have a kid within the next five years” as a goal since everybody is doing it. But no, I don’t think so. Not that I’ve written off those two things altogether, but I’ve never really thought about them as being some life ambition. If it happens, it happens.

So what IS my life ambition(s)? I don’t know. Suddenly I feel aimless. It’s another one of those quarter-life crisis moments. Hell, I can’t even call it a quarter-life crisis now ‘cos I’m already on the wrong side of 25! Argh.

But yeah, maybe I should start giving more thought to the future.

Thing is, I’m not the super-ambitious sort of gal. Like I don’t have a burning desire to climb the corporate ladder and be at the top of the corporate food chain. I don’t aspire to own a car here in Singapore ‘cos I don’t see the need for it. I don’t aspire to own my own flat either. Not unless I get married that is. I don’t need to own club memberships or lots of branded goods. Though of course lots of shoes and clothes would be nice. heh.

I think I see my job more as a means to an end. Just take the money at the end of the day and do things like travelling, eating, and watch movies. But still, seems like quite an aimless existence compared to some other extremely driven people who are either doing good for the world or doing super well in their careers.

My dream job is to be a travel writer. But why am I not pursuing my dream? I don’t know. I think many of us young working Singaporeans have a dream job but we somehow just shelf it aside and treat it as we call it—a dream. Something which by definition, will never exist and happen for us. It’s so fatalistic! I hate myself too for not being brave enough to pursue things that I dream of. Why is it that my dream has to be one that doesn’t involve a job that will give me big bucks then I can go travelling all the time? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if what I really loved was something like banking and finance?

Of course, I’m probably seeing things in terms that are much too black and white. People with high-paying jobs pay a price too in terms of level of responsibility, stress, risk and time involved.

If I could be a hermit somewhere in the mountains, maybe that would be good. But nah, I’m ultimately a city gal. The countryside is wonderful for a respite but when it comes down to it, I enjoy the things cities have to offer. I like the vibrancy that runs through cities, the lights, entertainment and culture.

Anyway, I've lost my train of thought. Sorry for the silly meanderings. See, even this post has no aim!

Posted by DSD at February 25, 2005 8:39 AM