Dolly's Eye for the Straight Guy
That's going to be the next hit reality show! It's a fusion of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (QE), The Bachelorette and American Idol.
Here's how it works: Dolly needs a date so guys (straight ones) will be auditioned.
The honourable panel of judges will comprise of Dolly's three best pals -Monkey, Chungking and UrbanNomad. With their good taste and expertise in men, they will assist Dolly in sieveing out the weeds. And with their quick wit, there'll be lots of laughs and scathing comments which will give Simon Cowell a run for his money!
Auditions will be held at Kam Fook Chinese restaurant in Chatswood, Sydney. This is one of the Dolly's favourite restaurants because of the fresh and wide variety of dimsum served there.
The resturant will be booked for this momentous occasion. But as you know with Chinese restaurants, they always have this big and offensive-looking 喜喜 ("xi" meaning double happiness) looming behind the stage. Thom (from QE) will have to brought in to spruce up the set.
With some fashion and grooming tips from Carson and Kyan respectively, the auditionees will sashay on stage where they will be judged on personal style, grooming and looks. It must be said that the Dolly is partial to a nice tan, broad shoulders and eyes that talk.
Philistines are a definite no-no, so Jai (from QE) will be roped in to help the judges weed out these cultural deserts. I suppose the judges will ask them a couple of questions to test their knowledge of the arts. Monkey, being the culture vulture, is certain to give these guys a grilling.
And there's something very attractive about a man who can cook. Tim (from QE) will be on hand to teach the guys a new dish which they'll have to prepare in the Kam Fook kitchen. The taste test will be done by the judges and the Dolly. How can she possibly sit this one out????
The auditionees will have to sit for the Date-the-Dolly Quiz. The final hurdle is having to eat a plate of sauteed chicken feet and durian (separately of course!).
At the end of the arduous auditions, the Dolly will pick her man, à la The Bachelorette style, by handing the chosen one a bamboo steamer filled with four pieces of siew mai.
NB: This idea will be patented. Anyone who wants to buy the show format, please contact UrbanNomad & Victor who have both been appointed the Dolly's attorneys without their knowing it. ;p
Posted by DSD at April 1, 2004 11:43 AM | TrackBackhahaha...can't wait for it to be screened!
Posted by: tiggie at April 1, 2004 5:54 PMWith the Dim Sum Dollies on the Cartoon Network, and Dolly's Eye for the Straight Guy on HBO, your conquest of TV-land is assured!
What's next? Dim Sum Idol? 'Sum and the City? (Premise: one fabulously successful journo columnist gal and three adoring gay guys assemble each week at dim sum to discuss love, friendship, and the vicissitudes of life in the big city.)
Or maybe you could break into movies. You've already mentioned Bridget Joan's Diary. Why not also consider There's Something about Dolly?
Posted by: Monkey at April 2, 2004 4:48 AMMonkey! I'm cringing now!!!
But seriously (or to be more precise, bringing the tone "up a level"), Urbannomad has too many roles! Kick him off as the attorney! :P
Posted by: Victor at April 2, 2004 6:51 AMNo, no Victor. If the ever present but never commenting UN is to have a role taken from him it should be that of panel member.
A panel comprising me, Monkey and the UN may provide entertainment but reaching concensus on a guy will be near impossible!
Speaking of which... can we add an element of 'Miss Universe' and have rounds where they have to answer impromptu questions, parade in swimwear and exhibit a talent? (not all at the same time)
joe, those are great suggestions! The stage is there to be used....so the more it is made use of, the merrier it is!
Posted by: dimsumdolly at April 2, 2004 10:24 PMI just noticed something...is this ALL an April Fool's joke? :)
Posted by: Victor at April 2, 2004 11:25 PMOk Victor, what about Crouching Dolly, Hidden Tiger?
Posted by: Monkey at April 6, 2004 9:24 AM